I can’t believe it is 2019 already!!
I am hoping to read lots,get a new job and go to some new places such as a local cat cafe and maybe even try an escape room.
Over the last few weeks I have been very busy.
I have been to the theatre to watch Dick Whittington which was really funny. There were so many moments when I was laughing so hard!
What did you do for Christmas and new year? Do you have anything you woud love to try I’m 2019?
So although I love to be creative I have had a bit of a block for quite a long time about what to create.
Earlier last week I made some thankyou cards.
Have you got any ideas that I could try?
As many of you know I enjoy bullet journaling and have been for several years.
I recently ordered from a group on Facebook Planners In Crime.
I was overwhelmed by the amazing choices of stickers.
I picked a selection to try out and review for the lovely Ash.
The colour is brilliant and all look so professional the price was amazing.
I also can’t believe how fast it came from the day I ordered to the day it was delivered.
The packaging on the outside of the envelope was really cool too.
Planners in crime is a great Facebook group so do check it out.
So since the middle of June I have been on a temporary employment placement. This ends the last day of November. It was four months in total through the Solent Jobs Program.
This placement has been a massive help to my mental health and confidence. I can now confidently deal with people whilst taking payments for swims, gym use and various retail items. Answering the phone is also not anywhere near as daunting as it was when I started.
For the first time, I now know what it feels like to have a job, go out to work. I’m glad it is part time. I am usually very tired after but I feel like part of a team.
I have laughed and cried at work but it was all worth it. I have made some great connections and will miss it very much but it was the first step to my working life.
It has shown me that I can do it. I love being front of house at the leisure centre. It proves to me that I am a people person and would be bored if I didn’t interact with people on a daily basis.
I think today maybe a longer post so you may want to go to the loo and grab a drink first. Maybe a biscuit too.
Ok, here we go…
My battle with mental health began when I was 10. I lost my sister when I was 9 I guess I didn’t know how to deal with this.
I spent several years in and out of CBT (I think I can’t remember) but I felt everone was against me and didn’t engage.
Over the next 5 years, I got worse, I took out my overflowing emotions on my family and friends. I would shout a lot, little things would get me upset very easily. I had no idea how to control how I felt. I took it out on the only way I knew how by binging whenever I was home alone. I would hoard junk food and just eat as much as I could wheghn no one was home. As a result, my weight slowly increased and as a very small wheelchair user everything became much more difficult. I was then in hospital to lose weigh and gain control of my emotions.
Fast foreward to college,(2015/2016) throughout college my mental health was a massive struggle. In my first year I went through a lot with several friends self harming and attempting suicide. I was not in a good place as I was followed by a second year student which made me really anxious. I had to know who was around me at all times. There were points when I only felt safe inside my classroom. He never did anything apart from creeping me out.
I became suicidal in my second year and eventually went to the GP who diagnosed me with depression. I managed to finish college somehow. I then had a 2 year break where I spent time just trrying to feel like a human again. I attended group CBT through a local service. I also joined the Solent Jobs Program through this I am now in a paid tempory employmment placement until the end of November 2018. This has shown me I am capable of part time work and that I can do it. I am so proud of how far I have come. Although anxiety is still a big problem I am woring on this.
I have, within the last few weeeks, begun counceling again so although everything is very up and down I know it is because I am looking back at uncomfortable things which in the long run will help me.
RECOVERY IS POSSIBLE!!
I am always here if you need me. Just send me a comment.
I have found that bullet journaling has been a massive part of my recovery in many ways. I highly recomend you give it a go.
I came across this as one of my friends shared it on social media and I thought it sent a powerful message.
You can’t help but wonder. So many people, my work colleagues, my college friends, my boyfriend are starting uni. My old friends are traveling around the world. Everyone looks like they are living amazing lives.
Then there is me. No uni, no a-levels, not travelling and especially over the last month I have been feeling rather sad and lonely. Social media portrays all these amazing lives. Nobody ever shows the truth, it’s always the good times, never the bad. But these protray the life that society deems as successful.
Having lots of friends, going to uni, travelling, festivals. The only thing I can relate to is being in a relationship. But even then the media protrays this unrealistic ‘relationship goals’ which no relationship meeting this expectation.
So this brings me back to the question. Have I failed?
By societies standards yes. I have less ‘proper friends’ then Sheldon Cooper. I don’t go to uni. I don’t travel much (though I would love to) and I hate festivals and events due to the crowds and noise.
I have mental health problems. I have to overcome these challenges everyday. ADHD, OCD, aniexty and depression. I have suffered and survived 3 mental breakdowns at the age of 20 with my first being in 2013. I still attend counciling weekly. I am still on antidepressants and mood stablisers.
But despite this I am able to trust and be in a long term relationship. I went back to school and got my GCSEs. I work full time and have recently been promoted to step up duty manager. I just moved out. A couple of years ago I couldn’t go anywhere over night without my mum. And now I have moved out and living independent from my parents. Something a few years ago we didn’t think would be possible.
But most of all I AM ALIVE. Despite the amount of times I have wanted to end it all.
So have I failed? No. For others these things might not seem like a big deal but for me and 1 in 3 people who suffer from mental health problems this is an achievement. Just getting out of bed some days and not hurting myself is an achievement.
Everyone has their own struggles and things that aren’t an achievement for some are for others. We need to be kind to others as well as ourselves. We need to stop comparing ourselves to these ‘perfect’ lives portrayed online. We need to remember that it’s unrealistic. Nobody ever posts the crappy bits, it’s always the good bits.
If you struggle with mental health like me and you often feel compared to others you have failed. Remember, you are one brave ass mother fucker! It takes amazing strength to fight when you don’t want to. Everyday you do that is a victory.
My goal is to be more honest on social media. Not just post the good bits but make known the bad bits. A realistic social media account. I wonder how much it would change, if everyone was honest about their life on social media. Just a thought
#foodforthought #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #strength #itsoknottobeok #pleaseshare