This came up on one of my social media’s so I thought I would share.
I think today maybe a longer post so you may want to go to the loo and grab a drink first. Maybe a biscuit too.
Ok, here we go…
My battle with mental health began when I was 10. I lost my sister when I was 9 I guess I didn’t know how to deal with this.
I spent several years in and out of CBT (I think I can’t remember) but I felt everone was against me and didn’t engage.
Over the next 5 years, I got worse, I took out my overflowing emotions on my family and friends. I would shout a lot, little things would get me upset very easily. I had no idea how to control how I felt. I took it out on the only way I knew how by binging whenever I was home alone. I would hoard junk food and just eat as much as I could wheghn no one was home. As a result, my weight slowly increased and as a very small wheelchair user everything became much more difficult. I was then in hospital to lose weigh and gain control of my emotions.
Fast foreward to college,(2015/2016) throughout college my mental health was a massive struggle. In my first year I went through a lot with several friends self harming and attempting suicide. I was not in a good place as I was followed by a second year student which made me really anxious. I had to know who was around me at all times. There were points when I only felt safe inside my classroom. He never did anything apart from creeping me out.
I became suicidal in my second year and eventually went to the GP who diagnosed me with depression. I managed to finish college somehow. I then had a 2 year break where I spent time just trrying to feel like a human again. I attended group CBT through a local service. I also joined the Solent Jobs Program through this I am now in a paid tempory employmment placement until the end of November 2018. This has shown me I am capable of part time work and that I can do it. I am so proud of how far I have come. Although anxiety is still a big problem I am woring on this.
I have, within the last few weeeks, begun counceling again so although everything is very up and down I know it is because I am looking back at uncomfortable things which in the long run will help me.
RECOVERY IS POSSIBLE!!
I am always here if you need me. Just send me a comment.
I have found that bullet journaling has been a massive part of my recovery in many ways. I highly recomend you give it a go.
I came across this as one of my friends shared it on social media and I thought it sent a powerful message.
You can’t help but wonder. So many people, my work colleagues, my college friends, my boyfriend are starting uni. My old friends are traveling around the world. Everyone looks like they are living amazing lives.
Then there is me. No uni, no a-levels, not travelling and especially over the last month I have been feeling rather sad and lonely. Social media portrays all these amazing lives. Nobody ever shows the truth, it’s always the good times, never the bad. But these protray the life that society deems as successful.
Having lots of friends, going to uni, travelling, festivals. The only thing I can relate to is being in a relationship. But even then the media protrays this unrealistic ‘relationship goals’ which no relationship meeting this expectation.
So this brings me back to the question. Have I failed?
By societies standards yes. I have less ‘proper friends’ then Sheldon Cooper. I don’t go to uni. I don’t travel much (though I would love to) and I hate festivals and events due to the crowds and noise.
I have mental health problems. I have to overcome these challenges everyday. ADHD, OCD, aniexty and depression. I have suffered and survived 3 mental breakdowns at the age of 20 with my first being in 2013. I still attend counciling weekly. I am still on antidepressants and mood stablisers.
But despite this I am able to trust and be in a long term relationship. I went back to school and got my GCSEs. I work full time and have recently been promoted to step up duty manager. I just moved out. A couple of years ago I couldn’t go anywhere over night without my mum. And now I have moved out and living independent from my parents. Something a few years ago we didn’t think would be possible.
But most of all I AM ALIVE. Despite the amount of times I have wanted to end it all.
So have I failed? No. For others these things might not seem like a big deal but for me and 1 in 3 people who suffer from mental health problems this is an achievement. Just getting out of bed some days and not hurting myself is an achievement.
Everyone has their own struggles and things that aren’t an achievement for some are for others. We need to be kind to others as well as ourselves. We need to stop comparing ourselves to these ‘perfect’ lives portrayed online. We need to remember that it’s unrealistic. Nobody ever posts the crappy bits, it’s always the good bits.
If you struggle with mental health like me and you often feel compared to others you have failed. Remember, you are one brave ass mother fucker! It takes amazing strength to fight when you don’t want to. Everyday you do that is a victory.
My goal is to be more honest on social media. Not just post the good bits but make known the bad bits. A realistic social media account. I wonder how much it would change, if everyone was honest about their life on social media. Just a thought
#foodforthought #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #strength #itsoknottobeok #pleaseshare
Today I found something out that I thought was really interesting.
Cats hearts beat twice as fast as ours! The smaller the animal the faster it beats.
I love chatting with people as you learn so much (thanks T.)
So a couple of weeks ago I finished another book! My 11th this year. I’m super proud of this as I am a slow reader but this year have really got back into it.
It was quick to get into and I couldn’t put it down!
By the end there were so many questions I wanted answered.
Have you read this? What did you think?
I have spent the last week in various places. I went to Wellies and Wristbands at Foxley’s for a big festival event for the first time. I had an amazing time but was also very anxious at times.
I have also been to Devon we saw the Netherlands National Circus which was amazing. I have never been before and loved every second.
We also went to an otter and butterfly place. I loved watching them.
I have been planning to write this for a while but I not had the chance.
Earlier this month I finished The Book Thief by Markus Zusak. This has been on my to read list for a very long time.
I really loved it although it took a while to get into once I was farmiliar with the charachters I couldn’t put it down. There were several images that caught my attention and made me think.
It was interesting to have it wriiten from the point of view of death. The more I read the more the storyline came alive. I laughed and cried throughout. Some books you want to read over and over again and for me this is one of those. Fellow book lovers will understand when I say this is a book I want to read for the first time again.
I reccomend it to all.